When I Think Of Suicide

When I think of suicide
I think of no more pain
I think of being able to breathe
And really feel the air in my lungs
Then to sigh in relief and feel that too

When I think of suicide
I dream of my heart
No longer being choked by black smoke
That’s clung to my core
Since childhood

When I think of suicide
I long to not feel what must literally be
A hole in my chest
Left when my mother stole the
Missing piece

But when I think of suicide
I feel my daughters fine hair curling Through my fingers
I hear her laugh and see her smile
As she lays her head near my heart

When I think of suicide
I spin my wedding ring on my finger
And feel his heart beat with mine
Thump thump thump
Surely it would stop too

When I think of suicide
I hear my best friends laugh
I see her black hair and wonder
How could I not be there
On her wedding day

When I think of suicide
I feel chaos and harmony
Spinning and falling
I reach out, fingers extended
They catch me

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